English Literature

1. What is the name of the student whose paper you are responding to
There is no name.

2. Is there a title Does it accurately reflect whats in the essay
There is no title.

3. Can you tell from the INTRODUCTION that this essay will be an Artists Autobiography Why or why not What do you suggest

The INTRODUCTION is not reflective of an Artists Autobiography. It is better that Paragraph 2 will be the introduction but reconstruct it. Inclination to art is revealed in narrative way. It would be better if you reveal your inclination to art indirectly by describing the deliberate and intricate placement of the object in your mothers house and make the reader draw conclusion of your personality  your inclination to art. Using My way is indicative of your style and sets the conclusion of this paragraph. Its a good line.

4. In the BODY of the essay, does each paragraph have a clear topic Is it clear how each paragraph connects to the theme or thesis of the essay How What do you suggest In the BODY, there are paragraphs that dont have clear topic those paragraphs narrating events could be fused like paragraphs 3, 4, and 5. The same paragraphs do not have transition from one to the next and needs reconstruction to connect to the theme.

5. Are there any areas where you would like more description, detail, or specific examples Where
The work has more examples and narration on experience, which all need to be connected to the theme. Other examples may not be needed like paragraph 3.

6. Are there any parts that you feel could be left out Which ones and why
Paragraph 3 could me mixed with the succeeding paragraph. Shorten your narration and omit unnecessary events.

7. Does the essay include a philosophy about art that the student has formulated If so, what (this was explored in the Manifesto assignment)

In paragraph 6, there is a philosophy about art but not clear enough and the writer needs to have a good diction. The narrative style employed seems to be dragging because it is spoon-feeding the readers. Let the readers inquire into your personality by making them think.

8. Does the CONCLUSION give you a feeling of completeness and closure Is it clear why the student is studying art and how his or her path brought him or her to AAU

The CONCLUSION does not give the feeling of completeness and closure. Moreover it needs to be emphatic. The first line of paragraph 11 can be used as closure together with the last line of the last paragraph but needs to be rephrased.  The last two paragraphs can be fused for a better ending.

9. Was an important artistic lesson revealed If so, what was it An important artistic lesson isnt clearly revealed because the whole essay is drowned into pure narration.

10. What are two positive qualities of this essay

The essay is complete in itself as to ideas. It contains more information.

11. Give your partner two suggestions that would help this be a better essay.
Refrain from the type of narrative employed. Put coherence and transition between paragraphs. Have a better diction.

12. Is the essay the minimum 800 words
The essay is more than 800 words.